Thursday, May 1, 2014

Oh, the things your kids will say.

(Note: I've had this post drafted in part for a few weeks, and after reading Maybe Matilda's post today, I got off my big rumpus and finished it up.  Rachel is truly a kindred spirit of mine.)

Seriously.  I feel like I read all of these wonderful blogs where these wonderful mothers dote on their children and photograph them beautifully and talk about how insightful and darling their children are... and I'm like, yeah, I get it, but how many seconds of the day are really like that?  On average, I'd say about 6.5.

The rest are something like this...

On our 7-minute drive to school:
Elliott: Mom, what pants are you wearing?
Me: Jeans.
Elliott: Oh, so not your black ones that you sleep in?
Me: No, I'm wearing jeans.
Elliott: ((Sigh of relief)) Oh, okay. You shouldn't wear those black ones that you sleep in.
(For the record, the "black ones that I sleep in" are yoga pants.  Heaven forbid that I drop off a four-year old to preschool in yoga pants!  And also for the record, I rarely wear my yoga pants in public.)

Here's me in my black pants with the Fashion Police hot on my tail.

Speaking of children's commentary on our clothing... do your kids ever comment on your body?  It's a blast, right?  I have this mole on the back of my leg that I'm totally self-conscious about and both of my kids mess with it whenever they have the opportunity.  They just relish any opportunity to touch it and really point it out.

And you KNOW you've made it into full-blown motherhood when you have to hold your finger up to your mouth and shoosh your children while trying on swimsuits at Target.  Heaven forbid any other fitting room patrons hear the commentary that your four-year old is about to provide. Or the questions. Oh.my.goodness.

Occasionally, I get on my high horse and ask for privacy in the bathroom.  On more than one occasion, Elliott has granted my request by shutting herself into the bathroom with me.  Yep, that's definitely what I meant.

For the record, the Fashion Police thinks that wiping her nose with her shirt is an acceptable alternative to a tissue.  I'm beginning to seriously question her authority on matters of proper fashion.
I recently had the great fortune of finding a one-piece bathing suit that I really love.  For me, it was a big day!  Because I stand in at just under 5 feet tall, it's not easy to find a reasonably priced one-piece suit that is flattering, modest, or even passable as appropriate swim-attire.  But shoved amidst a sea of XS string bikinis was an adorable online-return retro-styled one piece bathing suit that caught my eye... and after trying it on (please see reference above) I was practically giddy to buy it.

The first day I put my new bathing suit on to wear it out, Elliott stopped in to give her feedback.

"Mom, you look SO beautiful in your new bathing suit.

((Wait for it...))

Your bottom looks SOO BIG!"

And on that note, I'm off to crunch some celery and run a few miles in a rubber suit.




9 comments:

  1. Lol..seriously kids do that all the time. . Was fun reading

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  2. HA! Hey, big bums are totally in though, really. I love the goofy stuff kids say . . . except when it's insulting. Forrest doesn't have much to say about my clothes, but I think we're getting to the point where I reeeeaaaally need to stop letting him see me naked, because he's starting to make very awkward comments and ask rather awkward questions. I would give an example but they're too embarrassing.

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    1. Tell me about it. I started typing more examples, but just decided against being "too real". Admittedly because it all has to do with my many physical flaws. Ha! That's why we have clothing!

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  3. And YAY for finding a swimsuit you like! I didn't know such a thing was even possible!

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  4. Your post totally made me laugh! I love the day that my little niece told me my stomach jiggled like Santa's. I still cringe at that one.....!

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    1. Oh, no! My daughter may or may not have asked my father-in-law if he had a baby in his belly. I'll never tell. (For the record, she totally did ask him that.)

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  5. Ah, those girls crack me up. I still remember when E told me to button the top button of my collared shirt. :) It comes full circle, right? The day you have to tell them they can't go out in that? ;)

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    1. Thank you for reminding me of this! I will cite this particular incident/bossiness of hers when she tries me with her clothing. "Elliott, you told Ms. Laura that she had to button up--now YOU do it!"

      Ha. I SO do not look forward to those days.

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  6. Out of the mouths of babes....I could comment forever about my kids' commentary on my clothes/jewelry/fashion. One of the funniest was my sweet little toehead-now 17 year old. In the middle of a huge store, he asked why I always wore black. I told him it was supposed to make me look thinner. He asked, "well, is it working?" Another woman shopping wheelied around the corner she was laughing hyesterically.

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